Compassionate Considerations

See you soon Lolo Eli...

2009-02-17T18:09:00.001+08:00

Last Sunday at 11AM, my wife's grandpa was cremated at Loyola Guadalupe. His children and grandchildren were all there - except for those who did not make it from overseas. Mama, Wifey's mom was the eldest among the siblings. I could still remember some of the Lolo Eli anecdotes she shared with us when she was still alive.

The cremation took close to two hours and we whiled away the time talking to the younger cousins from the second family Lolo had during his younger days.

It was my second time to be inside a crematorium. The first one was wayback when I was a ministerial trainee for a church in Manila. The lady who died was the secretary of our small group for the elderly. When she was cremated, I was requested to help put her inside the machine. It was something I was not totally prepared to do, and the image of which, stayed with me for a long time.

When the cremains were presented to all of us, many were surprised that the cremains were white in color. People naturally assumed that the cremains would have a black color - but the body being cremated is not exposed to the flames but to the intense heat, approx 1600 degrees that easily reduce the body to the bones.

There was something strangely comforting when I saw Lolo's cremains. I told my wifey at breakfast that it was more positive for me rather than seeing a casket being hoisted down the hole. While funeral gives the whole experience a sense of finality, I sensed a stronger sense of acceptance and finality when I saw Lolo's cremains.

We proceeeded to the old Makati Cemetery, where we learned that body funerals were no longer being done there. But his cremains were allowed to be buried because it would only occupy a box measuring 14 X 14 inches on top of his older relative's grave.

While seeing the cremains made it strangely comfortable, the sight, smell of the old Makati Cemetery was downright depressing. Bordered by the International School on one side and a new set of condos being built on the other, the MAKATI cemetery looked very forgotten. There was even a growing community of people who made permanent residence of the graves and other small mausoleums of the deceased.

I did not even wait for the whole cementing of the box to be finished. I made my way back to the car where wifey, Lola and Tito Al were waiting. I earlier discouraged them to go inside the cemetery for hygiene and sanitary reasons. I slowly felt my spirit getting overwhelmed by the sadness of the place where Lolo's cremains were placed. I am not at any liberty to explain but it was not the intended place to become Lolo's final resting place.

Here in the Philippines, they have started discouraging the spreading of the cremains. Unlike in the US where designated spots have been allowed for cremains to be spread. That would have been ideal for Lolo Eli.

It would have been better if we were allowed to spread his cremains at some poignant spot, where the serenity of the place, could magnify the beauty of the life of the dearly departed.

Lolo Eli, we will be seeing you.

Now you know, as you have always been, loved and known by Christ

The dilemma that is, Michael Phelps...

2009-02-10T21:16:00.002+08:00

He captured the hearts of millions worldwide when he swam to Olympic history last August. He achieved a phenomenon that will not be repeated maybe in several decades. Young, hip, affluent now because of his lucrative endorsements, Michael Phelps is on top of his game.

Then this week saw that horrific image of him taken at a party somewhere. The sports hero sniffing marijuana.

A picture of a well-loved and well-admired athlete hurting millions of people who adored him.

But the world is in so much pain to really make a big fuzz about Michael's error in judgment. While Kellogg removed his endorsements, others are simply waiting for the whole issue to die down, especially since the stimulus package of BarrackObama is grabbing the headlines these days.

We have seen this many times. Our heroic athletes "betray" our perception of them when they commit mistakes that make us cringe and ask what in the world were they thinking?!

One of the things that athletes have not fully considered is the fact that they are being admired not just for some special talents or abilities. The admiration they are receiving comes from the humanity that is elated at the possibilities of someone just doing it brighter, someone doing it higher, faster and stronger....

Yes they are already this generation's icons.

Michael Phelps need to understand that world-class athletes like him are admired for who he is - and not just some dissociated parts of what he is.

As I walk through the shadows of the valley of death...

2009-02-10T04:12:00.001+08:00

Psalm 23 remains to be the most popular chapter in the Bible. The psalmist’s way of declaring himself as one who is in need of a shepherd echoes universal pathos of dependence and at times helplessness.

We are like sheep in many ways. We need to be taken to a safe place so we can drink freely. We get scared by so many things and without a shepherd to guide us, we will just be following the next sheep or person ahead of us.

Sheeps are direction-less. And in many ways, so are we.

The most poignant of this Psalm is toward the end : Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

Walking through the valley. This could picture still having some semblance of strength to walk through it. Maybe the remaining strength is no longer enough for you to run through it, thereby escaping all the associated fears of the moment. But the psalmist declares “even when I walk…”

Many times in our lives - when we go through our difficulties - it can be likened to a a very slow walk. You are moving to a certain extent, but the pace could really kill you from anxiety. But I think the action described here is not merely poetic. Because in the real sense, when difficulties arise, the pace could be so fast that many times it feels like a rug has been yanked from under your feet.

You walk. This shows the daily walking, breathing, living along with the trial that surround you. You go through the valley. It could be dark - and the surrounding mountains are too high to be scaled upon by whatever measure of strength left in your body. So you walk. One step at a time.

You see shadows and these shadows may actually point you to the light or may keep you from seeing the light. The shadow is all around you as you walk through the valley.

What is the valley of death that you are walking on right now?

A failed marriage perhaps. A lost opportunity for love? Health concerns that seem to keep on coming back? A family dispute that will take you nowhere? A financial meltdown? Death in the family and you wonder how you would ever cope without this precious life to love you? Failed and lost dreams? These and more are shadows as you walk through the valley.

Of death.

But the psalmist does not end there. He bravely declares, “I will fear no evil… For you are with me…”

I will not fear. This signifies decision that has been made from the most resolute part of the heart.

I will not fear, not because I can command the shadows to go away.

I will not fear, not because I have the strength to walk through the darkness.

I will not fear is a statement based on the confidence of who he is walking with.

And this is our secret. We go through the shadows. We walk through the valley and many times, the shadows hide the precipitous cliffs and difficult traverse.

But we do not go through it alone.

We never go through it alone, and this is what the psalmist is highlighting for us.

For You our Lord, is with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

So hang on dear friends. The Lord knows exactly where you are, right under the shadows, painfully walking through the valley. He has been there. He knows how it feels like - and because He has gone through it - we are never alone as we traverse this valley filled with shadows of the unknown.

Friends may walk with you for awhile. Brothers and sisters may even grow weary of lifting you up. But HE who came down to be like us, will never leave you hanging. He will never leave you to drown in your fears.

As you walk - He is walking with you.

May you ever experience the loving, tender,compassionate and healing presence of the Lord as you go through the shadows of the valley of death.

In Jesus’ name.

AMEN

The Beauty of Tranquility

2009-02-10T02:59:00.004+08:00

This is a picture taken recently as we were driving from Sorsogon back to Manila.

It was a grueling drive that started at 4am.

At 6:01 AM, I finally saw her.

We drove to the Cagsawa Ruins after dropping off Kuya Eugene and company at the Legaspi Airport.

After taking several shots, I noticed 2 crosses and I snapped one picture as I tried to capture the serenity of the place.

The tranquility and majesty of Mayon.

The Agony of Losing One's Job

2009-02-10T01:48:00.002+08:00

Almost everyday a news item would carry stories of companies laying off their workers. It has become a daily announcement that it could probably trigger any of these two reactions:

1. Feel overwhelmed at the scope and enormity of these job losses.

2. An apathetic attitude because the person hearing the news does not want to feel emotionally uncomfortable.

But these news items on job losses are still coming in. And these jobs cuts are not in the dozens, but in thousands.

THOUSANDS.

Each job representing a family that has daily needs, bills to be paid and hungry mouths to be fed.

And these job cuts are not just limited in one geographic location. The whole world is reeling over this dilemma on how these multinationals could recover from all these upheavals.

Please say a quiet and heartfelt prayer for these millions of people affected by these job cuts. Even our OFWs are coming home in hordes - after losing their much awaited jobs overseas. For millions of our countrymen, their overseas jobs are not merely means by which their needs could be met, but these are vehicles by which their dreams and their aspirations for their children could be achieved.

Millions of our countrymen leave the country to be able to afford the college tuition and pay off their debts. And with these job losses threatening more than a million of our countrymen, it behooves us to all come together and ask ourselves what can be done to alleviate this situation.

We need to brace ourselves by having the “war-time mentality”. In times of war, the things that are important and essential to us are magnified clearly. We eat, sleep and breathe and do things to meet our basic needs, and not our wants and greed.

Look into our lives and see what are the things we need to let go of. What are the dreams that may need to be delayed a bit? What are the things that we can still use instead of pining away for things that may not really be necessary right now, but in our mind, may seem to be the most urgent need.

We pray for the millions of people right now who have lost their jobs. We pray for those whose jobs are being threatened right now by the ailing economy. These are stressful times. The lost of a job is even just a few points below the stress scale of someone who lost a loved one. Losing a job is also a form of death. With the lost of a job, there are things that are real and imagined, that go with such loss.

And anytime we lose something, the degree of its perceived and inherent value, determines to a certain extent the depth, length and width of the griefwork that we need to do.

We pray for all of them Lord. We pray for the provision that so many families would need. Take care of their children. Please show mercy upon all of them by opening wide the gates of opportunities for them. Let them feel the encouragement that could only come from you. Let us all realize how much all of our needs are taken care of because You are our Father in heaven. Thank you for crying with them and for them. Give them the strength to daily live a life of faith and surrender their fears and whatever host of emotions they will go through.

There are millions of people affected when thousands lose their jobs.

Lord you are more than enough for all of us.

Do not let anyone go hungry or become unconsolable.

We place everyone in your loving hands.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen

Wildfires in Australia

2009-02-10T01:30:00.000+08:00

The fires are still blazing and 141 people have died. Many of them still trapped in their cars as they were trying to escape.

Very horrendous and suspicions have been raised as to the real cause of these fires. Firefighters were really stunned to discover that some of the fires already put out weeks ago were again ablazed by arsonists.

It is expected that there will be more casualties when this tragedy is over.

Please save the people. Lord God please send a powerful rain to douse the fire in Australia. They are going through the hot summer months and everything within miles are so dry that it could just literally flare up.

Please comfort the families who tragically lost their loved ones.

Lord God, have mercy and rescue those who are still very much threatened by the spreading bush fires.

Offering Sincere Apologies

2009-02-10T01:04:00.008+08:00

The small featured article on Fox Channel last night really caught my interest. The book by author Gary Chapman called The Five Languages of Apology. Chapman also authored the bestseller book entitled “Five Love Languages.”

I have been thinking of this issue in recent weeks. We have all committed mistakes and have caused offenses in our relationships. I have seen many church members leave their congregations because of ruptured relationships.

There were times when the apologies seemed sincere, yet there were still not accepted.

There have been times when the apologies were made hurriedly so that the issue will be immediately closed.

In our counseling classes, the person who is offering the apologies need to understand several things first before assuming that his apologies are going to be accepted well.

In one recent conversation, one person was asking for an apology - but it was not received because the other person said “you don’t even know what you have done. How can you apologize for something you could not even admit to doing?” When the proper admission of the hurt that has been caused is missing, the apology being offered is always seen as a one-way direction, that manipulates the other person to minimize his pain.

Dr Chapman powerfully shared the 5 languages as such:

1. EXPRESSING REGRET - many times the offending person fail to acknowledge the pain that has been caused. Many times they would give a litany of excuses to their offending behavior. There have been times when the offended person is pointed out as the cause of it all. “If you did not answer me with that tone….” Such expressions are reactive and deterministic. They do not express sympathy. They do not convey regret surrounded by the understanding of the emotions felt by the offended person.

Say it sincerely. Say sorry for how the behavior has hurt the other person. Do not offer up any excuses. Do not point to the behavior of the other person.

2. ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY - coming up with excuses is very tempting. But we must acknowledge our faults. Name what you have done. Do not minimize it - but just state it as it is. Doing so does wonders for the other person. The fact that you are able to name it as such, already offers a sincere understanding of what you have caused. Accept your fault. No excuses, just plainly accept your fault and what you have done wrong.

In our culture, this is severely lacking. We tend to minimize what we had done by saying “pag pasensyahan mo na ako…” or “bear with me..” and the we come up with other things that we think will make the behavior justifiable : ” nagdilim utak ko (everything went black), nakainom ako ( i was drunk), uminit na ulo ko (i lost my cool), tumaas na presyon ko..(my blood pressure rose up!) and other things pertaining to our health that may have caused us to act that way…”

Don’t feel sorry about your blood pressure rising up. Say sorry and admit that you screamed at the other person.

3. MAKING RESTITUTION - could you imagine what would happen to discussions that seek to restore things that have been broken because of conflict. Now that you had admitted it, seek ways by which things will be restored. Don’t force the other person to act the same way prior to the conflict. Don’t equate forgiveness with restoration. Forgiveness is a necessary path to restoration - but there are times that even when forgiveness has been done, restoration does not automatically follow. Being forgiven does not give us the “right” to be restored according to our time frame. Only God can do that. I remember an erring father who shouted at his family “if you had already forgiven me, then you would accept me in this house!” The whole family was terrified because of his drinking sprees and subsequent violent behavior. So I remember stepping in and said “yes you have been forgiven… but it will take awhile for your relationship with your family to be restored. So please step back and let your family heal without you first.”

In making restitution, we are basically asking “how can I make this right?”

4. SHOWING GENUINE REPENTANCE . The offending party seeks to show a genuine desire to change the behavior. One is usually tempted to give promises they cannot keep just to prove how truly repentant they are. Instead of doing this, seek ways by which you can truly change the behavior that caused the hurt.

5. REQUESTING FORGIVENESS. A direct, simple and straight-forward statement would suffice. “Will you please forgive me?”. Can you understand why asking for forgiveness right away without a proper acknowledgment of the errant behavior, would not be very palatable? A request for forgiveness involves humility and a sincere desire to be forgiven. Requesting forgiveness is as such - a request. It is not something we can demand from others or manipulate others to give to us.

I pray that we begin offering sincere apologies for the wrongs we have done. Learning the languages of apology would really help us be restored back in those relationships once damaged by conflict, real or imagined.